big big world
My dear friend is studying alone in Canada. She reported that she bumped her front tooth and went to the dentist.
I asked, 'are you alright? are you taken care of?'
How ridiculous I asked the question. I knew the answer. And we are the same type of people now.
I am a big, big girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing, if you leave me.
It is just this line can make us feel so sad and so tearful.
Our best friend is getting married. We cannot express how glad we are for her. Watching her wedding albumns, the scent of '幸福' is transmitted via the cold internet cables.
Weird, I said to JL, I feel sad. She asked why.
'I feel sad (for myself) because when she is going to get married so happily, and I am happy for her, but I know she is not THE friend of mine anymore'
We are thinking how hard it will be in the future for all five of us to meet again. This is life.
And this is something about growing up.
So many things happned recently. Somethings get cleared. Somethings are still entangling our lives.
It is never easy to give something up, or someone. But there are things and people that we need to get over. (my dear, you know what I mean).
I told Leo that I am prepared that if I fail, I am ready to pack and leave this city.
Everyone thinks that I am kidding, or deliberatly showing my inconfidence.
But I am. I am inconfident.
And I am ready to leave.
I think since sometime (when I can not name), I have unconsciously avoided having life too much entangled or obsessed. Yet now I am, in a sense, exhausted. How? Why? I can not specify. If I can, I will clear them immediately. That is me. But I cannot right now.
But in another sense, this might be a turning point of life, that enables and forces me to face everything. And I shall not escape anymore.
Everyman is an island, but every island is connected and consists of THE world.